people just ain't no good

no news from the kidney specialist. i guess i was holding out for something more, because the events of the day have left me tired and weepy.

bun's doctor just said that it's early days to see whether the medicine they're giving him is working and that the blood tests indicate nothing has improved. but he says now is the time when the cyclophosphamide should start to work, so he'll see him in a month to see whether there's any change. until then, same 3 days dialysis, same medication (except cutting down on the prednisone so that bun's insomnia can get better). i guess in the grand scheme of things, this is not a long time. one month more until we check in again and some people have been on dialysis for 20 years. i know, because they talk to me in the dialysis unit. of course.

after the appointment i took bub to the park near the hospital and then we went and visited bun in dialysis. when we left, a grubby old fat man called me a "fucking breeder" and when i told him where he could go he proceeded to hurl abuse at me. honestly, where do these people suppose THEY came from? gah! their poor mothers. while i can understand not wanting to have kids or wishing so many people didn't, it does seem like something you could keep to yourself in the presence of strangers. had to get on a jam-packed bus, fold up the stroller and drop the change on the floor. just like a fucking breeder, eh? then upon getting off the bus, bub chanted the whole way home "where's daddy. i want daddy. i want daddy. i want daddy. now. now. now."

as soon as i got in the door i let the tears i was holding back behind my sunglasses flow. stupid day.