"pear-apy"

things that were hilarious yesterday, yet have ceased to be funny today:

- asking the bub if she needs "pear-apy" and then giving her pears to eat
- yelling "concentrated flavour" at the bub from the kitchen while waving my arms (thus replicating flavour concentrating in her steamed papaya)
- putting my head down on bub's highchair tray and saying "do you want a head sandwich??" in a monster voice

she is easily amused, but has a short attention span. lo, people, behold these words of wisdom and remember:

what is funny today may end up being just stupid tomorrow. gather ye laughs while ye may.

in other news, i am once again on the path toward knitdom. i tried to learn about 7 years ago, to no avail. i think because i didn't keep at it. it's easy for me to forget stuff like that, because if i don't repeat it over and over, i lose it. it also tends to make my eyes go buggy. but this time i have a reason (besides a weird need to be good at all sorts of craft). this time i want to be able to make the bub stuff. and this time i have a good teacher. this is my first try from lisa's stitch n' bitch lastnight:



next i have to learn how to sew, use photoshop and all the snazzy bits on my camera, find more celestial objects with my telescope, do astral photography and frame my own artwork. oh, and i also covet this mini-donut maker from williams sonoma, but i think they don't sell it anymore.

he takes some steps and bumps his head

my little bub tumbled down the stairs lastnight. down, down - tumble tumble down down down down... fourteen stairs. oh, the poor little peanut! today she has a patch of rug burn near her eye.
so, yeah, she looks tough. so, yeah, she IS tough. watch out, world! the acrobatic, tumbling bubnut is coming to a venue near you.

ok...
so, i'm tough. i'm talking tough. but let me tell you, it was rough. the bub is over it. she's ok. a little fussy today, probably a little sore, but still her usual bub-bly little self. i, on the other hand, am still a quivering mass of nerves and shudders, guilt and nervousness. yes, we have a gate at the top of the stairs. and, no, it wasn't closed properly. and yes, we feel like awful parents. and in my head i keep hearing the sound of her falling down the stairs. the sad thing is that i know she has many more stair-fallings (or head hittings, face scrapings, elbow grazings) to come. because kids shouldn't fall down the stairs now, should they? they usually do it when they're successfully navigating stairhood. you know, lose their footing or whatever, like you do sometimes. i've known bun to fall down (and up) the stairs a number of idiotic times. come to think of it, i've known him to hit his head dozens of times, break his arm, cut his hands (and all sorts of other stressful things), way too many times in our only 8 years together. hmm, i hope she doesn't take after her dad in daredevilry and the accident-prone.

scream all you want. there's no one to hear you.

yuck. yuck. double yuck.
lastnight some person broke into our car and touched all our stuff. and, while i'm extremely happy that there was nothing of value in there (and that bub's carseat is much too heavy to lug around in the hopes of a quick sell for crack), it has been grossing me out immensely to think of someone touching bub's stuff. now my obsessiveness will cause me to have to remove the carseat and all other items from the car and wash them down with dettol. fuckin' scabby crack addicts! sometimes i sympathise with you, but not today. and not when you touch my bub's stuff.

other things i hate right now:
- the words "kalamazoo", "kablammo" and "cowabunga"
- the tim horton's bagel b.e.l.t. and the ad for it
- hasbro for threatening to remove scrab from facebook
- snacking on too many rice cakes so there's no room left in my tummy for yummy dinner
- tube socks

pressing my face against the window pane

the bailey's is out. it's in my glass, on the rocks. i'm feeling celebratory. i'm feeling alone. i'm feeling strangely at peace and peacefully strange. my sweet little bubnut is peacefully asleep and my bun is feasting with friends in the t-dot.

i left bub in the care of a babysitter today, trying out one day a week. i missed her more than she missed me. such a squeeze of my heart when she and i are apart. such a tautening of tension, a whirl of worry, a flurry of fear. i want to press her with the strength of it, flatten her like a flower and keep her between the pages of my protection. i want to die for her, to live for her, to do all i can to make sure for her. why is she so sweet? why is it so sudden? and how will i ever let her go?

in childhood he lived with only robots

on the sea-to-sky today:

the sun tore a hole through cotton batting clouds.
mountains reared up majestically.
doddering drivers drove us crazy.
a stop in furry creek scandalised us with its excessive affluence.
a rock slide rattled onto the road.

and bub slept.

unicorns only

bet you've never seen a "jiffy john" that's reserved for unicorns. go wipe your ass somewhere else, donkey!

creepy boney

apparently, this ugly fish has been around since the time of the dinosaurs. to put it in perspective, yo...

dinosaurs first appeared around 230 million years ago and dominated for about 160 million years. these UGLY fish first appear in the fossil record 200 million years ago, but they're still here! what the EFFFF??? we took a trip to harrison hot springs on bun's last day off this christmastime and we learned that there are sturgeon in harrison lake. people fish for them, but have to give them back, 'cause they're protected. frankly, it's astonishing to me that such a godawful-looking thing could possibly need to be protected. i wouldn't be eatin' on that thing if you paid me. look at it - all boney and whiskery and prehistoric. all lumpy and creepy and cold.

look at it!


what are those guys thinking? if i was them, i'd be thinking, "here i am holding a huge, ugly fish. in the water where said huge, ugly fish lives. this fish must have brothers and sisters. uncles and aunts. mother, father and sister-in-law."

and i'll tell you what else i'd be thinking. i'd be thinking "get the hell outta the water before one of these boney bastards decides he don't like where you're puttin' yo' hands, foo'!"

harrison hot springs is very picturesque, but only 'cause those fish are hiding! here are some photos of harrison to take your mind off the scary sturgeon.

that's why i don't f**k with the big 4-0

i managed to make it past 12 lastnight. this isn't amazing because i have a kid. she doesn't really factor into it. it's amazing because i never do anything for new year's eve, really. not anymore. once i was in melbourne and got crushed in a crowd. once i was in hong kong and got crushed in a crowd. a couple of times i was at a party, getting crushed into peoples' chests and kissed. that was okay. i'm not sure what it is about the new year that fails to pique my interest, but usually i'm at home with a glass of wine and the bunhead and we usually retire before midnight. lastnight the whole family got to celebrate the new year, because the bunhead and i were up laughing and talking in bed 'til past then and bub woke up at 12:30, crying. i heard the bunhead pick her up and say "happy new year" into her little ear before he brought her to me.

this morning, he bemoaned a fake hangover and pretended he couldn't get out of bed. then for lunch he had fish n' chips because it's good for a hangover. i suggested that the real reason he felt awful (which he didn't, really) was because he ate 3 strips of bacon for his last dinner of 2007 (which he DID! really!)! that's all well and good. what is NOT good is the fact that i am not well. i'm starting off the new year as a 65 year old who and i'm only turning 31. i'm a wreck, people! i feel nauseous, i'm getting over a cold, i've twisted my back and had to go to physiotherapy on the last day of the year and i'm tired, fat and ugly to boot! -HOLD IT - absolutely NO "bess, you're not fat" comments please and thanks - i feel how i feel and i don't feel like being contradicted. i know it's stupid, okay?- okay.

i feel shit enough without a hangover on top of it all. don't get me wrong, i'm still excited at the prospect of a blank year and the comings and goings of the things that'll make it up for me. they'd better make it up to me. they'll be better for making it with me and we'll get better together, them and me. one step in front of the other, pushing through the curtains of the calendar, scattering days like dandelion fluff.